Stuff That Makes Me Tick

I have always had a thing for stuff. Now, I was always taught that money can’t buy happiness… but what about stuff?

Ever since I was little, I was frenzied by stuff. Stuff sent me into the type of hysterics that would land most kids a one way ticket to a shrink. Stores knew just how to lure me in, too. I was (and, admittedly, still am) a sucker for “Two-for-One” or “Buy-One-Get-One” deals because, Hey! …more STUFF! In order to save money, I had to remind myself that if I buy Item X, I could have bought ten of Item Y. (But, I could have Item X now!) Crippled by indecision, my delicate child psyche was shot by stuff. Needless to say, my sense of quality over quantity was slightly skewed as quantity wins when you err on the greedy side.

Every once in a while, I would realize it had been a few days since I accumulated any new stuff. I began clearing the top of my dad’s dresser of any loose bills and change on a regular basis, a process I called “scratching up money” in an effort to get stuff. When that didn’t go over so well with Dad, I hatched a new master plan to get my fix of stuff. I would sneakily slip stuff out of my sisters’ rooms and set up a sort of yard sale outside my bedroom door. They would eventually stroll by, notice their price tagged Beanie Babies, Pet Rocks and bedazzled purses, and exclaim, “Hey! That’s MY stuff!” I innocently would claim it was found in the common areas of our house therefore free game for my peddling. I’ll admit, this wasn’t the most ethical of business practices, but they were actually buying their stuff back from me! And everyone knows… you need money to buy more STUFF.

Years have passed and I have accumulated and disposed of more stuff than I can even recall. I would like to say that my stuff has gotten nicer and more worthy of my coveting, though recently I have developed a habit of finding “free” stuff. You won’t believe the stuff some people throw away!


4 Responses to “Stuff That Makes Me Tick”

  1. I was laughing out loud at the thought of you “scratching up money.” Love it!


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